When concerned about someone’s mental health and wellbeing, how we listen is as important as how we respond. Our ability to make someone feel heard and understood will directly impact how they react to us, and may be the difference between someone opening up and seeking support, or withdrawing and isolating themselves. Therefore, this month, we want to highlight some important skills to ensure colleagues and employees feel heard when they are disclosing information around their mental wellbeing.

The first part of making someone feel heard is practising active listening. This is a set of skills that, when implemented, helps the speaker feel listened to, empathised with, and validated.

Active listening involves:

• Paying attention

  • Set aside time for a chat

  • Reduce distractions

  • Don’t interrupt

  • Be aware of defensive or uninterested body language

• Being non-judgemental

  • Have an open mind

  • Suspend judgements and criticisms

  • Don’t dictate

  • Don’t argue

• Reflecting/paraphrasing

  • Regularly check your comprehension by reflecting back what the person has said

  • Rephrase what they have told you

  • Try to help them identify what they are feeling

  • Use non-committal language – don’t tell them what they are feeling, make suggestions of what it could be

• Clarifying

  • Ask questions if anything is unclear

  • Don’t make assumptions

  • Questions indicate interest

  • Try to ask open-ended questions instead of yes/no

• Sharing

  • Only share your thoughts/feelings when you are sure you have given the other person adequate space and that you fully understand what they are telling you

• Summarising

  • Go over key points at the end of meeting/conversation

  • Identify any actionable outcomes and who is responsible for them

Once you have used your active listening skills to ensure the person has been heard, you next need to think about how to respond. Use some of the below tips to ensure you are responding in a way that is validating and supportive:

• Sensitive responses will acknowledge and reflect back the person’s feelings without judgement

• Use validating statements like:

  • “That sounds really…”

  • “I can understand why you feel…”

  • “I imagine that must be…”

• Reflect back what they are saying using active listening skills

  • Prioritise listening over speaking

• Try not to interject your own experiences

  • While this is often well-intentioned, it can make the other person feel dismissed and/or minimised

• Try to avoid empty platitudes

• Don’t suggest you know how they are feeling or try to spin the conversation to a forced positive, such as telling them they “actually have a lot to be grateful for” or that they are “lucky”

• Avoid minimising statements like “you are just having a bad week”

When speaking with a colleague or employee, you can also take some time to explore whether there is any practical support you can provide that will help them in the workplace. It is best to lead with questions about what they feel they might need, and make them aware of the supports you know are available. This could be things like adjusting work shifts, making reasonable adjustments, or signposting to HR/EAP services. Remember that not everyone will know what they need right away, so the most helpful thing to do is create a supportive and safe environment for them to disclose and ensure that they feel heard. This will encourage the individual to come back to you at a later date to discuss things further, when they may have a better idea of what they are feeling and what they might need.

By following some of these tips, you will hopefully feel more confident in making colleagues and employees feel heard during wellbeing conversations. Remember that the most important part of supporting someone with their mental health is acknowledging and empathising with them; you cannot fix everything. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, do your best to make them feel heard, and signpost to professional services where needed.